


Teenagers (The formative years)

by Ischa



Category: Batman (Movies - Nolan), Dark Knight Rises (2012)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Canon Related, Canon-Typical Violence, F/M, M/M, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-04
Updated: 2013-04-10
Packaged: 2017-12-04 08:13:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 14,813
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/708519
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ischa/pseuds/Ischa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Wayne likes John, John likes Wayne, Joker likes to mess around – but this is High-school so things are complicated. </p><p>  <i>People didn't talk shit around her. She was pretty, she was smart, she could kick your ass and she had this attitude that said loud and clear 'Don't mess with me'. And people didn't. Generally. And Joker wasn't either, but it was pretty clear to John that he wouldn't answer her questions because he just didn't care. It was actually pretty clear that he wouldn't play by any of the stupid high-school rules they made up without a fucking reason. </i></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> based on this prompt: http://tdkr-kink.livejournal.com/2798.html?thread=2286574#t2286574  
> beta by: stones_at_moons <3

**~1~**  
“What's with you and Wayne anyway,” Selina asked. 

“Nothing,” John said. 

“You're glaring daggers at his back, Blake. I wouldn't say that is nothing. Not that I fucking care,” she replied. 

John took another drag of his smoke. “He's a dick.” 

“I remember that you were kindergarten sweethearts,” she answered, snickering. 

“Funny.” 

“You were holding his hand.” 

“He was always dragging me along, that’s different.” John looked at Wayne's back again. Dick, he thought. Wayne was such a dick. 

“You were such a scrawny kid.” 

“Pot, kettle,” he replied and took a last drag, flipping the butt over the fence on the street. He wished the day was fucking over already. 

“Come on, biology next. You like biology.” 

“You like biology, because you like Crane,” John countered. 

She shrugged. It was none of John's fucking business anyway. John had his own problems.   
“Come on then. You can mock while I stare at Crane, okay?” 

He smiled at her. Sometimes it was enough to have her nudge him to keep the rage at bay. 

~+~  
John was smoking at the back of the yard when he saw the guy. He was wearing a purple t-shirt and his hair was dyed green and pink in places. Kid would get so much shit from Dent and probably Bane too.   
John kinda found him fascinating, but he kept looking straight ahead when the guy came closer.   
He curled his fingers against the fence and looked at John.   
John took a deep drag and let the smoke out slowly. The guy reached out and brushed his fingers against John's, taking the cigarette. John let him. It was so fucking surreal. 

“I'm Joker,” he said. 

“John,” John answered. 

Joker took another drag and gave the smoke back. “Thanks.” 

The bell rang, John took a last drag and flipped the butt onto the street like he always did. “Art's next.” 

Joker smiled. It looked, not exactly scary, but not friendly either. There was something slightly manic in his eyes. John kinda liked it. It was different. “I like art.” 

~+~  
“So, new kid doesn't have a first name? Last name? What kind of name is Joker?” Selina asked. 

“People call me Crane,” Crane said. 

“Because it's your last name and we have more than one Jonathan walking around the fucking school. We have John here for example.” 

“John isn't even his fucking first name,” Crane said. 

“Fucking John is fucking here,” John threw in. He was working on his landscape but it hasn’t been his day since he ran into Bane this morning. He could feel a bruise form where his arm connected with the edge of the locker. Not that he didn't shove back, but Bane was build like a brick house. It didn't do any good and for some reason he was on Bane's shit list. 

“Good to know, John,” Joker said and sat down on the table. His feet were dangling, his socks were mismatched. Like John's laces. He smiled up at Joker. 

“I was wondering, Joker,” Selina said, he gave her a quick once over and nodded like he was giving permission. She smiled. It was not a friendly smile. “Is that a last name?” 

“What would that change?” Joker asked. 

“Nothing, I guess.” She was taken aback. People didn't talk shit around her. She was pretty, she was smart, she could kick your ass and she had this attitude that said loud and clear 'Don't mess with me'. And people didn't. Generally. And Joker wasn't either, but it was pretty clear to John that he wouldn't answer her questions because he just didn't care. It was actually pretty clear that he wouldn't play by any of the stupid high-school rules they made up without a fucking reason. 

“You wanna hang out later, John?” Joker asked. 

John nodded, because hell yes, he did. 

~+~  
Joker's car was bright purple too and there were cans all over the back-seat. The thing was a piece of shit and Joker knew it too. 

“It doesn't fall apart and I have no clue why or how,” he said. “Get in. It won't bite. I think.” 

John threw his bag on the back-seat and climbed into the car. Selina was watching, so was Wayne. John wanted to give him the finger, but he didn't bother. He was sure Wayne thought he got into stupid shit and with the worst company possible. Joker followed his gaze. “A friend of yours? He's kinda glaring at me.” He waved at Wayne and John nearly lost it, he was laughing so hard. 

“We were childhood sweethearts,” John said, opening the window and getting his pack out. Joker got into the car, slamming the door. He stole the first cigarette right from under John's nose. He didn't care. He got a free ride out of this deal. 

“You broke his heart?” 

“He broke mine,” John said and it felt weird to say it, because it was true and because he's never even told Selina. 

“Want me to break his bones?” Joker asked and somehow John didn't think he was joking. 

“We don't know each other that well. I prefer not to have a lifelong debt at this stage in our fledgling relationship.” 

Joker laughed and put his foot on the gas.   
He was driving like a crazy person, but only when no other cars were around. Still, John was glad he had put on the seatbelt. 

~+~  
They parked in a nice driveway surrounded by pretty trees and a white fence. 

“This is where you live?” John asked. 

“It sucks, I know,” he answered. 

They got out of the car and John followed Joker to the kitchen, they grabbed something to eat and a couple of sodas, even though John didn't like soda much, and went upstairs to Joker's room.  
There was no one home. 

“Your parents?” 

“Dead. I live with my uncle.”

“Same,” John said. 

“You live with your uncle too?” 

“No, I live at the orphanage.” It used to hurt saying that, but it didn't anymore. He got used to it, he guessed. It wasn't like he could change that his parents were dead anyway. 

“Sucks, I bet.” 

“It's okay,” John said and he meant it. 

“So John Blake, tell me all about yourself,” Joker said, sitting down on the floor, putting his chin in his hands and playfully batting his lashes like a cartoon girl in love. 

John laughed. “There isn't much to tell, really.” 

“Okay, I ask questions then and you answer, how's that?” 

“Sure,” he said, shrugging. He was feeling a bit uneasy about it. The first thing people asked when he told them his parents were dead, was how they died.

“Favourite colour?” 

“Blue I guess?” John said, he never really thought about his favourite colour before. 

“Food?” 

“Spicy. As long as it's sweet and spicy I'll try it out.” 

Joker nodded. “Drink?” 

“Are we talking alcohol?” 

“Whatever it is you like to drink. I myself love grape-juice.” 

“Tea,” John said and felt immediately weird for it. No cool kid would say that. 

“Why did you take the soda then?” Joker asked and it was a good fucking question. 

“Because it seemed easier.” 

“Not being yourself, John Blake, shouldn't be easier,” Joker said, grabbed the can of soda and threw it out the already open window. “Let's get you some nice cup of tea then.” 

The guy was insane, John thought, but he still liked it.


	2. Chapter 2

**~2~**  
“...weird new kid Blake is hanging out with. Blow up the chemistry lab with Crane,” Dent said. Rachel nudged him in the ribs too hard. She had such bony arms. 

“What?” Bruce asked. He hadn't been paying attention. Again. It all seemed so...unimportant. 

“Blake is hanging out with that Joker guy,” Dent said. 

“I know. I saw him getting in his car,” Bruce answered. 

“Did you now?” Miranda wanted to know. There was something in her voice he didn't like. She sat down and looked around. For Bane or Barsad probably. Still tight-knit as hell those three. Rachel had suspicions about them, Bruce plain didn't care. At least she grew out of calling herself Talia and pretending her (absent) dad was some kind of spy or prince. Back then everything seemed easier. 

“It's his business,” Bruce answered. 

“Sure. It's his business,” she said. It was clear she didn't think so and that he couldn't fool her. He wasn't trying to fool anyone. If she would ask now too what the hell was with him and Blake these days, he would probably scream. Or just ask Alfred if he could find another fucking posh high-school. Maybe in Switzerland. They sure had the money for it. 

“So why is the whole school talking about it?” he asked. His voice was cool and smooth. 

“Because Joker and Crane blew up the chemistry lab.” 

“What were they doing?” Miranda asked. 

“Trying to make some kind of laugh-gas? The stuff that was used in dentists' offices back in the day,” Dent answered. 

“And Blake is hanging out with them?” Rachel asked, crinkling her nose. It was adorable. He’d always liked that.

Dent shrugged. “He isn't hanging out with Bruce anymore, so yeah. He had to find someone else to get into trouble with.” 

“He isn't getting into trouble.” 

“You two were always getting into trouble when we were kids. He always had bruises because you made him jump from the jungle gym,” Rachel said. 

“I didn't make him do anything. He did it himself,” Bruce answered. 

She gave him a look. “Right, because he liked to get bruised up. Because everyone does.”   
Well, Bruce thought, he didn't care much for bruises. Bane didn't seem to care either. Some people just dealt with injuries. And it wasn't like life was made of cotton-candy. “Get real Bruce,” she added.

“Can we not talk about Blake all the time?” he asked frustrated. 

She sighed, handing him an apple. A peace offering. “Fine.” 

~+~  
“Straight home, Master Bruce?” Alfred asked. 

Bruce nodded. He just needed to get home and bury himself in something that had nothing to do with school. “Yes, Alfred.” 

“Long day?” 

“Aren't they all?” Bruce answered getting into the back of the car. He caught a glimpse of Blake, Crane and Joker smoking outside the school-grounds and looked away. He really didn't want to know. 

Thing was, Bruce thought, that he didn't even know what the hell happened that led them to this. Well, not exactly at least. He thought he made it clear that...whatever. This thing where they weren't talking and Blake was glaring at his back and not caring that Bruce knew, it was pissing Bruce off. But then again, Blake was known for not taking any shit and not backing down. Since people found out that he was living at the orphanage and that he was here on a scholarship, they tried to mess with him. 

“Maybe a hot cacao will do some good,” Alfred said. 

Bruce wanted to tell him he was way too old for it, but he didn't. He saw Alfred smile in the mirrow and smiled back. 

~+~  
“Are you ever going to tell me why you and Blake aren't friends anymore? Because you and I still are,” Rachel asked. 

“I haven’t the slightest. Sometimes people just grow apart,” he answered, stretching out on the soft carpet. She was sitting beside him, her legs crossed and tapping her finger on the wood, just outside of their little carpet island. 

“Ah, excuses, excuses, Bruce. I know you and you're talking shit.” 

“Did Dent ask you out already?” he countered. 

“Shut up,” she answered, slapping his shoulder hard. 

“I know he wants to.” He's seen how Dent looks at Rachel, but he's too good a person to mess around with her. 

“He thinks you and I are childhood sweethearts,” she answered. 

He grabbed her by her neck and she let him drag her down so he could kiss her. She tasted like vanilla chap stick.   
“We are,” Bruce said. She kissed him again. 

“Sometimes it feels like we're just afraid to move on from that,” she whispered. 

Bruce let go of her neck. She knew him too well and she wasn't afraid to face things. He sometimes liked to pretend. He didn't ask if she wanted to move on, because he didn't want to know. 

~+~  
Truth was he missed hanging out with Blake. He had only fond memories of them playing together. But maybe that was the problem. Maybe Blake hadn't felt that way back then. Maybe he thought he had to do anything Bruce wanted, because Bruce made him his partner in crime. Because Bruce took to him like a duck to water or whatever. 

He could remember the day perfectly when Mister Gordon introduced Blake to the group and Bruce had felt that protective surge and grabbed Blake's hand and dragged him along ever since. Until Blake changed the nature of their relationship. 

He knew he had taken Blake's friendship for granted like he did with Rachel now. She had always been there, even before his parents died. She knew him like no one else did. But maybe she only knew the ‘him’ that he was before. Before his parents were killed. He wasn't that person anymore and the only one who knew the ‘after him’ was Blake, because Blake knew how it felt to be angry.


	3. Chapter 3

**~3~**  
“Oh, what the fuck?” John asked. 

“Mistakes were made,” Joker admitted. He didn't seem sorry, or like he thought mistakes were made. Well, maybe just one: the laugh-gas didn't work like it should. “Crane isn't so great at chemistry, hmm?” 

“He likes biology,” John answered, but he suspected Crane would be spending the whole weekend retracing his steps to find out what the hell went wrong. His parents had grounded him anyway. He leaned against the fence and lit a smoke, Joker made grabby hands so John handed it over and lit another one for himself. 

They smoked in silence for a while before Joker said, “This band I like is playing a gig in the city.” 

“And?” 

“Wanna come?” Joker asked with a pointed look. 

John wasn't even sure he liked the music Joker was listening to. It was always loud and aggressive as hell. 'I believe we're the enemy.' was printed on Joker's dark blue shirt. John knew it was from one of those songs. It was pretty cool, but he wasn't sure he wanted to be anyone's enemy. Not that he didn't have any.   
“Can't,” he said. 

“It's about money,” Joker didn't even pretend to make it a question. 

John nodded. “Yeah. Shockingly enough the system doesn't sponsor loud rockbands and drinking in a hole in the wall club.” 

“You have a curfew too?”

“Yeah, but I'm sure I can get around it. They like me. I am a model student.” 

“I can buy you a ticket. They aren't that expensive.”

“How much?” John asked. 

Joker waved his hand. “I said I'll take care of it. Let it be. Just tell them you’ll sleep at my place. Give them the address of my uncle's house. I bet they’ll be impressed.” 

John was pretty sure they would be. He nodded. “Okay.” He took a deep drag and let the smoke out slowly. 

“Picking you up after school. Pack some warm clothes. And a flashlight.” 

John got the feeling he should maybe have asked what city they were playing. 

~+~  
Selina gave him a look and then sat down next to him and the bag on the bench. “So?” 

“What?” 

“You and Joker are a thing now?” 

“What is with you guys?” John wanted to know. 

“I didn't mean like a couple, also, are you?” 

“No,” John answered. At least not yet, but he thought maybe they were on their way there or something. Speeding at 200 km/h on the wrong lane. Crashing was a real possibility.

“You're just two guys hanging out and having slumber parties?” 

“Shut up, you. We're going to see The Band in the city over the weekend.” 

“No way! And you didn't tell me, you dick!” 

“I didn't know you like them,” he answered. 

She shrugged. “I’m not fucking advertising, okay? But I do. So, can I come?”

“It's not my car,” John said. “Ask him.” He nodded in Joker's direction who was talking with Crane just outside the gate. John got up and Selina grabbed his hand. 

“It would be alright if I came, right?”

“Sure,” John answered easily. He liked her well enough. To be honest of all the girls he could relate to her the most. 

“Hey, Joker!” she yelled and took off to make him take her with. John smiled. 

~+~  
The Band didn't have a name, except The Band (in italics in some articles). Joker played their demo on the whole way to New Jersey. Somehow Crane decided on the spot that he wanted to come with and Joker had nodded like it was no big deal.  
Jonathan would get so much shit from his parents. John was sure they would contact that shrink again. Crane's parents were jerks, but that was only John's secret opinion. 

“When you said the city I didn't think we would be on our way to New Jersey,” Selina said. “We need to stop somewhere so I can get some things.” 

John noticed that she said 'get' and not 'buy'. She had a problem with paying for things, but as long as she was careful about it, John let it slide. Not because he thought it was okay, but because he didn't know why she did it, he had no real right to get up in her business. And it wasn't like she was stealing diamonds and Rolex watches. Or whatever. 

“I need a toothbrush,” Crane said, cleaning his glasses. 

She nodded.   
They pulled over at the next rest stop and John lit a smoke, stretching and praying she wouldn't get caught. But she was probably too good at it by now. He wasn't an angel either. So who was he to judge? He was sure Wayne would feel free to judge anyway. 'Because it's wrong, John, that's why'. What bullshit, as if the world was only black and white. 

“Thinking big thoughts?”Joker asked, leaning against John. John handed his smoke over. 

“Hoping she doesn't get arrested.” 

Joker smiled. John could see it out of the corner of his eye. “She won't,” he said and then, “Didn't think you would be the type to let theft and vandalism slide.” 

“She's not robbing old ladies, you know?” 

“Still wrong, Blake,” Joker answered. 

“You don't even believe that,” John countered. 

“I like to play the devil's advocate, sometimes,” he answered. “There she is. Where the hell is Crane?” 

~+~  
The club was packed, dark and shady as fuck. The only ones who looked like they belonged here were Joker and Selina. She was still wearing half of her school uniform, but she replaced the blouse with a tight t-shirt. 

“I could sell these people tictacs,” Crane said, excited. 

John nodded, it was probably true. 

“I'm going to organise some drinks,” Selina said and there was that word again that meant she wasn't about to pay for them. But there were enough guys to buy them for her. 

“Go on girl, have fun,” Joker yelled after her. 

She flashed him a smile before the crowd swallowed her. 

They lost Crane a few minutes later and then Joker grabbed his arm and dragged him closer to the stage. There were bodies everywhere. He was shoved, kicked and yelled at. It was glorious. He was yelling, shoving and kicking right back. 

~+~  
John couldn't really remember how he, how they, got from dancing in the middle of the crowd to grinding against each other, kissing and biting frantically in a dark corner of the club at the edge of it. Joker pulled at his shirt, dragging it down and tearing it at the neck to get to more skin. John's head was swimming, the only thing holding him upright was the wall at his back and the adrenalin. Joker's teeth were leaving more bruises on his skin. John's hands tightened in Joker's shirt, dragging him closer still. He could feel Joker's breath stutter against his neck. 

~+~  
John was a sweaty mess. His reflection told him so. Joker washed his hands and was grinning at him when he looked up. John grinned back. Fuck, he just had had sex in the middle of a club. 

“Next time we should take the stage,” Joker said with a wink before he left the wash-room.   
John really wasn't sure if it was a joke or not. 

~+~  
“Someone got laid,” Selina said, handing him a beer. 

“What?” 

“Post orgasm glow. And you look smug as hell,” she answered. “And then there is this,” she added, tracing the forming bruises and teeth-marks with a gentle touch. “Are you going to wear a scarf to school?” 

“No. I don't fucking care who sees or knows.” 

“Hmm...”

“Oh shut up and go sex up Crane. I know you have the hots for him. The only one who doesn't is Crane. I think you need to spell it out for him.” 

“Did you spell it out for Wayne?” she asked, not looking at him. 

“I have no fucking idea, what you are talking about,” he answered. 

“Sure you don't,” she smiled and kissed his cheek. “You are way too good for that righteous jerk anyway.”


	4. Chapter 4

**~4~**  
“Look at your choices, Blake. When did all your friends become shady?” Bruce asked.   
John wanted to hit him, it was there in his eyes, Bruce could see it.

“Except for the lab accident neither Joker nor Crane did anything that could be considered criminal.”

“And Selina?” 

“It's none of your fucking business,” John said. 

“We used to be friends and-” 

“And that's exactly it, you know? We used to be friends before you turned into a massive dick,” John answered. 

“Is the small guy giving you trouble?” Barsad asked. He leaned against the locker casually. Bruce just wished he would go. 

“I can handle it myself,” he said. 

“He's feisty and a trouble maker, everyone knows that,” Barsad answered. 

John didn't even look at him. He stared at Bruce's face. “I can handle it,” he said just as John said: 

“Don't you have a threesome you're late for?”

Fuck, Bruce thought and grabbed John's arm hard. He dragged John away from the lockers and Barsad, but he knew Bane would probably start something later anyway. 

“Let go of me,” Blake said and kicked him. 

Bruce was too surprised to do anything about it. He let go of Blake's arm. “Fuck.”

Blake grinned as Bruce saw up. “Good to know you're still a real boy.” 

“Why are you-”

“None of your business anymore.”

“I have no idea why you're glaring at me all the time, John. I thought we could still be friends.”

“It wasn't me who got up and cosy with Dent and Bane, Wayne.” 

And that hurt, but Bruce kept it inside. “Just because I have new friends now-”

“Yeah, but you think I can't hang out with other people,” John interrupted. 

“Because they're a bunch of small town gangsters.” 

“Nice one, Wayne.”

“Hey, Blake. I wrote you a love letter before my classes and now I find you cosying up to some other guy,” Joker said and John turned his head to smile at him. It was a soft smile. It made Bruce's heart clench in his chest. 

“A love letter, hmm?” 

“Yeah, I would read it out loud, but it's kinda explicit,” Joker answered coming closer. He leaned against the wall a few feet away, looking at Bruce. 

“You don't believe in veiling your feelings?” Bruce asked. 

“I believe in being myself. For better or worse,” Joker answered. “Can we go now? Or do you want to give Wayne here a kiss goodbye?” 

John laughed. “Been there, done that.” 

“John-”

“Have to go,” John said and then to Joker. “Need to grab my stuff. See you at the car?” 

“Sure, take your time,” Joker answered and watched John go. “So-”

“Do you want to tell me that I should stay away from your boyfriend now?” 

Joker smiled. It was not a pretty smile. Something about it was off, Bruce just couldn't pinpoint what. “I don't need to tell you. John is so obviously through with you. Seems you had your chance and blew it, Wayne,” he answered, blowing Bruce a kiss. “Have to go. Boys to kiss, cars to steal. Puppies to kick.”

“Something's seriously wrong with you,” Bruce said. 

“You have no idea,” he replied and pushed away from the wall. 

~+~  
Bruce was brooding and he knew he was brooding. 

“Look at you, all broody,” Rachel said, sitting down next to him. 

He kissed her cheek on autopilot. She sighed. “Thought you would go straight home.” 

“I think we need to talk,” Rachel answered. 

“About?” 

“Your obsession with Joker.”

“I am not-”

“Or John. Or both of them. I have no idea. I just know that you're hardly there anymore, except when you're watching them.” 

“He's dangerous. I know it.” 

“Maybe,” Rachel said, “But it's none of your business who John is sleeping with. If he gets in trouble, he gets in trouble. You live, you learn.” 

“I don't want John to get hurt, Rachel. I never wanted to hurt anyone,” Bruce answered and it was a lie. 

She looked at him. He could feel her gaze on his skin, but didn't look at her. “Isn't it a bit too late for that, Bruce?” she asked gently and got up. He didn't follow her.


	5. Chapter 5

**~5~**  
“I'm just tired of his bullshit,” John said and fell back down on the bed. 

“Wayne has clearly issues, but Joker has some problems too,” Selina answered. 

“I'm not naïve or stupid, you know. I know there are things...well, I don't know. Just, he’s different and right now that’s all I want.” It was true too, John thought. He just wanted to be someone else for a while, like he could be with Bruce when they were still kids. Running around with their sweaters tied around their necks, pretending to be superheroes. Bruce always took it very seriously. He wouldn't even listen if someone called him by his name when he was Batman, he _was_ Batman. And John had been his trusted sidekick: even later when they weren't dressing up as vigilante anymore John had still been Bruce's sidekick until he’d had enough of Bruce's bullshit. 

“He cares,” Selina said. Sometimes John really wondered about her. 

“I know,” he answered. It was harder because Bruce cared. The thing was, he just didn’t care enough. He didn't care for John like John wanted him to and it wouldn't be such a big deal, he thought, if Bruce weren't lying to himself about what had been happening between them. He sat up and looked at her. She was doing her toenails. “Do you like him?” 

“Joker?” she asked not looking up from her task. 

“No, Wayne.” 

“Wouldn't hurt to have a boyfriend with a butler,” she answered. 

“Crane comes from money,” John said. 

“There is money and then there is money, John, and I always wanted to be filthy rich. Why don't you?” 

He shrugged. “I don't know. We never had money. Not even when my mom had been still alive. And later when dad got into the drinking and gambling we never had any to spare. So, I guess I just don't care? I'm okay with what I have? I can manage.” 

“I seriously have no idea, if that is charming as hell or just stupid. You need to look out for yourself. Because trust me no one else will. Not long term,” she said. 

John wasn't so sure. He always thought that Wayne looked out for him. He didn't get it at first, but he had figured it out pretty fast, even if Wayne had been sneaky about it. He shared his lunch with John because John's dad forgot on most days after mom died. He always protected John, even if John didn't need his protection. John had been small, still was a rather scrawny teenager, but he could hold his own. 

And still, John thought, Wayne was standing up for him. Behind John's back, granted, but he still cared and wanted to protect.   
Maybe John was just sick of it all. Maybe he wanted to throw that protection, that half-assed feeling, that duty or whatever Wayne was feeling for him, in Wayne's face and make it hurt. 

“Do my toenails?” he asked instead. 

She gave him a look. “After you washed your feet.” 

~+~  
“Your childhood sweetheart is giving me the evil ye,” Joker said. He was peeling an apple and then cutting it the wrong way. John pointed it out. “It's the right way, if you want to see the star inside,” he answered and held up one half of the apple. It looked a bit like that spice Selina liked. Anise? It looked pretty. 

“Can I have a piece?” he asked. 

“Sure,” Joker said, handing one half over. John had to eat around the core. “What are you going to do about Wayne?” 

“Does it bother you?” John asked. 

Joker shrugged. “Maybe? I don't like people staring at me all the time. It's creepy,” he smiled.

“Told him to leave me alone. You made it clear we fuck. Have no idea what else to do,” John admitted.

“Getting each other off in a room full of sweaty bodies isn't fucking, John,” Joker said in a tone that made John shiver. 

“What would qualify then?” 

“Me on my back with your dick inside me, maybe?” Joker mused. He bit into his piece of apple. John heard a clatter and looked behind him. Wayne just trashed something. Probably by accident. John gave Joker a look. “Oh yeah. He heard.” 

John closed his eyes briefly. What was his fucking life? “You did it on purpose.” 

“I do everything with a purpose, John. That's who I am.” 

John wasn't so sure. It seemed to him that Joker did things because he wanted to do them, but did that really mean it wasn't with purpose? Maybe wanting to do something was the purpose of the thing. 

“Not sure this will do the trick. He just doesn't like you.” 

“And I am such a charming fucking guy,” Joker answered. 

~+~  
John couldn't stop thinking about what Joker had said as he sat on the bus back home to the orphanage. He hadn't thought about fucking that much. Okay that was a lie, but he hadn't thought about fucking Joker... at least not in that way. John had had vague fantasies about them making out and getting each other off, sometimes with hands, sometimes with mouths, but he never- he wasn't sure he was ready. It wasn't that he was waiting for that one special person or whatever, and let's face it, he thought, Joker was a very special fucking case. It was just that...well, he had no idea. He just wasn't ready yet. He wanted everything, eventually, but he wanted to get there on his own time. With many, many, many stops in between kissing and having his dick buried deep inside Joker's ass, or having Joker's dick in his own ass. He would try it both ways. You can never know what you like if you're too afraid to try as many things as you can. Granted some things just scream bad idea – like catching a bullet, but even the sharp pain of a knife could get some people off...so. Being open-minded was the key. And he thought that Joker was very open-minded. Not like Wayne, who couldn't even handle a kiss from a guy.   
John punched his backpack and imagined it was Wayne's face. Maybe he wasn't over this shit yet like he thought he was. 

It was no wonder really. They were both so different. Joker wasn't a replacement, or an outlet for John's feelings for Wayne. It was just that Joker provoked all kinds of feelings, mostly good. While Wayne, well...John's feelings for Wayne could be summarized as conflicted, he thought.   
Complicated.   
As if John needed more complications and bullshit in his life.


	6. Chapter 6

**~6~**  
Bruce was staring at the ceiling in the small library near the kitchen. Lying on the floor, head in his hands, thinking, brooding, going fucking crazy.   
Rachel left a few hours ago and he just couldn't muster the energy to get up. He was fucked and he knew it. 

They had had sex. Not for the first time. But probably for the last. Bruce couldn't ever remember having such a hard time to get there. Watching her face, touching her had always been enough. Not today. He only came as he thought about John.   
This messed with his head. He wasn't that guy...whatever that meant. He didn't think... no, he _knew_ he wasn't some homophobic asshole.   
He had buried his head against her neck and breathed through his orgasm keeping everything in. What he wanted to do was bite her, imagining he would mark John so that no one would ever touch him again. That this Joker guy, that maniac, would never write him a love-letter. When he thought about it hard, he would like to make sure Joker never even wrote John a note – by breaking his fingers.   
Things started to get complicated. 

~+~  
Oliver could hold his own. Bruce knew it. He never had to step in before. But the way Joker smashed Oliver's face into the lawn (and Bruce was so fucking glad that it wasn't the concrete) was brutal. There was blood on Joker's knuckles and his shirt, his cheek, the corner of his lips. He was smiling. Now completely calm and wiping the blood away, it only smeared like obscene lipstick. 

“What the fuck?” Harvey asked. 

“What is wrong with you?” Rachel asked as she helped Oliver to his feet. He was bruised up and bloody, but he would live. 

“So much, sweetheart,” Joker told her and blew her a kiss.   
Rachel recoiled. Oliver was glaring at him and Bruce's fingers were forming a fist on their own accord. Rachel grabbed his hand and he took a deep breath. They watched Joker leave. 

“What was that about?” Bruce asked Oliver. 

Oliver glared. “None of your business, Wayne.” 

“Fine,” Bruce said. He didn't care as long as it wasn't John on the receiving end of Joker's abuse. Queen could go and fuck himself. 

“You need a doctor?” Rachel asked. 

Oliver shook his head. “Fucking maniac,” he spit out blood. 

Bruce nodded. Joker was. 

~+~  
Bruce grabbed John's arm and pulled him into an alcove. John was too surprised to struggle and as he saw Bruce he just glared.  
“What?” 

“Heard about Oliver and your boyfriend?” Bruce asked. 

“Let go of my arm, Wayne,” John said calmly and Bruce did. Better not to make John mad. He wanted John to see reason here. He wanted for John to see what he saw when he looked at Joker. 

“Well?” 

“They got into a fight,” John said. 

“He was bashing Oliver's face into the ground, John. That's not a fight,” Bruce replied. 

“Queen is an asshole and a bully and you know it.” 

“So that makes it okay to bash his head in?” Bruce asked. He knew John didn't think so.   
John looked him in the eyes, but didn't say anything. “He did it for you,” Bruce realised. “That's fucked up John,” he added quietly.   
John looked stubborn. Like he wanted to defend Joker, but knew he really shouldn't. It was true that Oliver was a bully and an ass sometimes, but no one deserved...”What did he do to you?” Bruce asked, because if Joker beat the crap out of Queen for John, Oliver had had to do something to provoke him. 

“Nothing that ice-cream and a blow-job couldn't cure, as I told him,” John said. 

Hot anger and jealousy coiled in Bruce's stomach at that. He forced himself to stay calm.   
“Try to keep him in check?” he asked, but it wasn't really a question. 

John laughed in his face. “You met him, right? You think he’s one for being 'kept in check'? As you charmingly phrased it, he does what he wants.”

“And you like that?” 

“Yes, I like that very fucking much,” John said. 

“That isn't you-” Bruce started, but was cut off. 

“This is who I am now. Just because you don't like the teenage rebel me, doesn't mean I’m going to change for you. You don't even want to acknowledge who you are for me.” 

“John. I'm with Rachel,” Bruce said. 

John glared at him. “Are you married? Did I not get the memo? This is freaking high-school. You can break up and you can be with someone else, someone you want to be with, want to kiss, want to touch, want to fu-”

Bruce pressed his hand over John's mouth and kept it there for too long and pressing way too hard down, until John kicked him. He let go. Feeling John's breath, his lips, his spit on his skin.   
John was staring at him. “You're messed up,” he said. 

Bruce took a step back. I know, he thought. “Be careful around him. He’s dangerous.” 

“Not to me,” John said with utter conviction in his voice. 

~+~  
“I'm worried,” Rachel said. Her voice sounded sad and tiny over the phone. 

Bruce sat down at the kitchen table and poured a glass of juice. “I'm worried too.” 

“What if he snaps and does real damage? I mean Oliver is okay, but I didn't feel like he would've much cared if the lawn wasn't lawn...” 

“I know. Would have smashed Oliver's face against the concrete.” 

“Yeah...so did you talk to John?” 

“He doesn't care. Or says he doesn't care. He says he isn't afraid of Joker.” 

“Joker seems to care for John,” Rachel said carefully. 

“How long will that last, I wonder,” Bruce repied gloomily. 

She kept silent.


	7. Chapter 7

**~7~**  
“You really do like art,” John said, leafing through one of the sketchbooks lying around. 

“Yeah,” Joker answered, turning to John, spinning a pencil between his fingers. John had the feeling he would be just as good with a knife. Or a throwing star. “Wanna sit for me?”

John put the sketchbook away and looked at him. “What?” he laughed. It had to be a joke. He wasn't in any kind painting material. 

“Sit for me. I promise not to put your naked ass or junk on the internet for everyone to see.” 

“You want to paint me naked?” John asked. 

Joker shrugged and then nodded. “Yeah, how else would I want to paint my boyfriend?” 

Boyfriend, John thought. It had certainly a nice ring to it. “I don't know...” 

“Why? Because it's not you or because it's not done? Or because you don't trust me not to put your naked ass on the internet?” There was something in Joker's voice John didn't like. Like a challenge. Or a provocation. John didn't like to be manipulated. 

“Why isn't it enough that I don't feel like it?” John gave back. 

“Because I'm a stubborn fucker?” Joker asked, smiling. He was a scary and charming fucker, John thought. 

Despite himself John smiled back at him.   
Fuck. 

~+~  
John was thinking about it on the way back home and the next day and the next too. 

“So, Joker is into art,” John said over lunch with Selina and Crane. 

“Okay?” Crane replied. 

Selina was playing with her salad, pushing tomatoes from left to right and back on her plate. It was irritating the shit out of John.   
“Selina!” 

“What? What is your problem?” she asked, putting her fork down more forcefully than necessary.

“What is yours?” 

“Thinking about the Joker beating the crap out of Queen,” she answered. 

John sighed. “He's a dick.” 

She nodded. “Still doesn't make it okay to bash his head in-”

“It was the fucking lawn,” John cut in. 

“You sure he cared about that?” 

“What do you mean?” he put his water down and crossed his arms over his chest. It was stupid to get all defensive about this, but here he was anyway. 

“Just wondering how far he would go to make a point,” she shrugged. 

John was wondering about that too. He did think Queen needed a slap to his head, but he wasn't a fan of violence and especially not that kind, on the other hand Joker did it for John. Which, fuck. He felt guilty about ranting to Joker about Oliver being a dick to him. Not that he thought that he was responsible for Joker's actions. Joker was his own person. Everything he did was on him alone.   
“I don't know. I do think he was aware he was bashing Oliver's head into grass,” he said with an emphasis on grass. 

“What was that about Joker liking art? Why did you bring it up?” Crane asked. 

John looked at him and closed his eyes for a second. Why the fuck did he? It was one thing to talk about this shit with Kyle, but Crane?   
“He wants to draw me,” he said anyway. 

“Is he any good?” Crane asked. 

“Yeah, he is really fucking good,” John answered, because it was the truth. Joker was some kind of genius. A crazy genius maybe, but still a genius. 

“Let him then,” Crane said. 

Selina gave him a look and he looked right back at her. She grinned. “Ah...he wants to draw you like all his pretty French girls,” she said. John nodded. Once sharply.

“What does that mean?” Crane asked. 

“Nothing,” John said. 

“Selina is laughing, so it's clearly not nothing. Do I need to google it?” 

“You know when you asked where babies come from in kindergarten?” John asked. 

“Yeah?” 

“You didn't like the answer much, did you?” 

“No...” Crane said carefully.

“Well...” 

“Ah, okay. So I don't want to know what it means. Thanks,” Crane said, going back to his sandwich and calculations. He was still working on that nitrous oxide. He was obsessed with it. 

“You don't want him to paint you?” Selina asked. 

“I don't know. On one hand...” he trailed off. 

“It's your decision. If you want to do it, then do it for fuck's sake. I don't get why you make your life so complicated. What is the worst that can happen?” 

“My junk lands on the internet?” John asked. 

“I've seen your junk, you have nothing to be ashamed off,” Crane threw in absent-minded. 

“What?” Selina asked. 

John decided it would be better for his sanity if he didn't listen to Crane's explanation. 

~+~  
“If I see my junk on the internet, I will hurt you,” John said as he got into Joker's car. 

“I would probably like it,” Joker answered. 

John gave him a look. He still wasn't sure sometimes if he was joking or if he meant it. He did get off on people shoving him in the pit. It got him all hot and bothered. Maybe he liked a bit of pain with his pleasure. Maybe John wasn't ready for this yet. Or at all. They didn't do much more than make out and get each other off. There wasn't even a blow-job in the mix yet. But they didn't talk about it either. Except for that one time in the cafeteria. John wasn't sure Joker had meant it at the time. But maybe he did. Maybe he wanted John's dick inside him, maybe...

“You're thinking about sex,” Joker said grinning. 

John looked outside the car window. Fuck, was he so easy to read? “Maybe,” he answered. It was no use to lie to Joker and why would he want to anyway? Joker had been the first to tell him to be himself and really meant it. John could feel it in his bones, how much Joker just didn't fucking care what people thought about him. 

“Tell you what,” Joker said, “I make a few sketches of you and as a thank you, I'll blow you?” 

John bit his lip. “You don't have to do that-” 

“I want to suck your dick John. Since that day I saw you smoking. I wanted to get on my knees back then and suck you off right there. The world be damned.” 

“And you didn't?” 

“You weren't there yet,” Joker answered. 

“You know how to push people's buttons,” John said. 

“Yeah, I do.” 

~+~  
It was weird John thought, but not really uncomfortable. The room was warm and Joker was sketching like a mad man. Turning pages and grabbing pens. John had no idea how the end result would look, but he was looking forward to it. 

“Okay, I think we're done,” Joker said after a while. 

John was ready to scream. All his muscles were in knots. “Good.” 

“You look like you need to relax,” Joker said, getting up. John could hear him, so he looked over his shoulder. The last few sketches were of his back, his arms over his head, his legs spread a little bit. He wondered how he looked that way. 

“Can I see?” he asked. 

Joker shrugged. “They're not done. They're not good.”

“Can I see?” 

“Sure,” Joker answered, handing him a few of the sketches. 

He thought he would look sexy or stupid, but what he look like was vulnerable. “Is that how you see me?” John asked. 

Joker shrugged. “I like your neckline...it's so...it invites you to put your hands around your throat, dig your fingers against the hollow over your collarbone.” 

“That's messed up.” But it made John shiver when Joker talked like that and it wasn't because he was afraid. 

“That's me.” 

There was a take it or leave it implied.   
John was taking it. 

~+~  
It wasn't Joker's first blow-job, it was way too good for that. It was John's first, but he could still tell, because Joker wasn't messing around, wasn't fumbling and wasn't hesitating. He wasn't afraid to touch another guy's dick.   
John's hands were grabbing the pillow really hard as Joker licked teasingly around the head and then let John's dick slide into his mouth sucking just a bit.   
John closed his eyes and breathed as Joker took him deeper and then hummed some tune, that John realised was the fucking Ode to Joy.   
Joker's hands were stroking his sides, his legs and then as he sucked harder and John was bucking his hips he was holding John down as he came with a muffled groan.   
Fucking Ode to Joy, John thought sitting up a bit to look down at Joker, who was stroking his own dick. John could not look away from it.   
Joker bit his lip so hard that it bleed as he came. John reached out and touched it, smearing the blood in the process until Joker flicked his tongue out and licked it away, sucking John's finger in. John groaned again. Fuck. 

“Ode to Joy?” he asked, his voice sounded wrecked and he hadn't even been the one sucking dick. 

“It seemed appropriate,” Joker grinned.


	8. Chapter 8

**~8~**  
Bruce was watching the whole affair with an uneasy feeling. 

“You need to stop staring at him,” Joker said, dropping down in a chair next to Bruce. Bruce looked at him. He wanted to deny that he was staring, that he was worried, but Joker didn't seem the type to take his bullshit and just go away.   
“Or?” he asked. 

“Or I'll have to challenge you to a duel.” 

“Life or death kind of style?” Bruce asked. He was good at fencing and martial arts, the basic stuff at least. And he was bigger than Joker, broader too. 

“If that is your kind,” Joker shrugged. “But be reasonable here. You had your chance and you blew it. I know you weren't even able to say it, let alone kiss him.”

“None of your business,” Bruce hissed. 

“You make it my business by staring at him all the time. He doesn't need you anymore. He has me now and I can make him-”

“Shut up,” Bruce said, dangerously low. 

“Sing,” Joker finished unaffected. “Leave him alone. Leave me alone. Or I'll make you.” He got up and Bruce watched him. The guy was crazy and dangerous.   
Bruce needed to do something. 

~+~  
Crane caused a minor panic the next week by letting a small nitrous oxide bomb explode.

"It was hilarious," Selina said with a laugh. She had been warned of course because she and Crane were hooking up. Bruce hadn't been there and now that he was thinking about it it seemed suspicious that Crane made the cafeteria into an asylum on the only day everyone knew Bruce wouldn't be there. Because he never went to school on his parent's obit. 

"I hear people got hurt," Bruce answered. 

She looked at him hard. "No one got _hurt_. There were a few minor accidents, because people fell over they were laughing so hard. Jonathan got detention of course and his parents are sending him to the shrink again. Idiots. Crane is fucking gifted." She took a deep drag from her cigarette and let the smoke out slowly. 

She had pretty lips. Bruce tried not to notice, but it was hard, they were so damn red.   
“Did John know about this?” he asked instead. 

“Yeah. I bet Joker told him. It was his plan after all. He finds shit like that funny.” 

“And still the one in detention is Crane and not Joker,” Bruce said, hoping he could make her see reason. 

She shrugged. “Crane built it, he let it lose. He wanted to do it. It was Joker's idea, but Joker didn't make him do shit, Wayne.” 

Joker was a master manipulator, Bruce thought. It didn't take much. And Crane wanted to do something, something drastic, maybe wanted to for years, or maybe he just wanted to show Kyle what he was really made of.   
“He did it for you,” Bruce said. 

“Maybe,” she gave back, not looking at him. She took a last drag and crushed the butt under her heel. He wondered how she could walk in these things. “Have to go. Try not to start a war with Joker, okay? He’s creative and I hate picking sides. That's so high-school,” she smiled at him, and darting forward kissed his cheek. He was sure it left a perfect imprint of her lips on his skin. 

~+~  
“Are you hanging out with Kyle now?” Rachel asked, she didn't sound like she approved of Bruce's life choices. 

“We were talking. I wanted to know what the fuck happened. Yesterday.” 

“I told you. Crane caused a fucking riot.” 

“Of the fun type.” 

“People got hurt and Crane is in detention. So not everyone found it funny. I didn't. I don't like for people to try and make me feel what I am not feeling.” 

“Kyle says it was Joker's idea,” Bruce replied. 

“I am not surprised. Harvey thinks he's a dangerous guy to be around too, but he still likes him. Somehow Joker knows how to get under people's skin.” 

Yeah, Bruce thought and that was the whole fucking problem. Joker talked to people and made them see the world in a different shade. His shade or one that was close to his. And people liked it. He was amusing and charming and a psychopath.   
Bruce really didn't like him. 

~+~  
“Master Bruce?” Alfred asked. 

Bruce looked up from the glass of soda and at Alfred. “I messed up.”   
Alfred sat down and just sat there until Bruce couldn't take it anymore. He wanted to talk about it, but...well, he didn't want to talk about it. “I punched Joker in the face. I bet you will hear from the school soon.” 

“Master Bruce!” 

“In my defence, he deserved it and more.” 

“I didn't think violence was our way to deal with our problems, Master Bruce.” Alfred said softly.   
Bruce nodded, but he was a teenager and sometimes he just wanted to lash out. “May I ask what he did to deserve it?” 

“He was talking shit about John,” Bruce said. The thing was, that Bruce was pretty fucking sure that Joker had told him the truth about John and how he sounded in bed, how he looked, how he enjoyed it. Bruce didn't need all these details. And he really didn't like the way Joker had been talking about John.   
Bruce couldn't be sure if Joker really cared or if he did what he did because he wanted to, or because it was a means to an end. 

“Ah,” Alfred said. 

“What does that mean?” 

“You were inseparable when you were children, Master Bruce. I always thought...he loved you.” 

“He worshipped the ground I was walking on, Alfred. That's not healthy behaviour.” 

“You, Master Bruce, worshipped the ground he was walking on too,” Alfred said softly. 

Bruce looked stubbornly at the tabletop. “We were kids back then. Things weren't as complicated.” 

“And why are they now?” Alfred wanted to know. 

“John and Joker are-” he took a deep breath and spit it out; “together.” 

“Ah...and are you jealous?” 

Bruce shook his head. But he wasn't sure. He rejected John's offering, John's love, John. So it was his own fucking fault. “I think Joker is dangerous and I am worried about John.” 

“He isn't your responsibility anymore, Master Bruce, you can't fix him by giving him food and looking out for him so he isn't bullied. And he does look like he can take care of himself now,” Alfred answered.   
And maybe that was the fucking problem, Bruce thought. Maybe he needed someone he could look out for. Because that was what he has been doing since he met John. John had been a good distraction from Bruce's own life. Because John's was so much harder.   
“I miss having him around,” Alfred added. 

Bruce nodded. He missed having John around too.

~+~  
“Harvey asked me out,” Rachel said, sitting down at their table. 

“I hope you said yes,” he replied. 

“I...yeah, I did. By now everyone knows we broke up and people are going to try to find out why. I'll be the evil witch who left poor Bruce Wayne for Dent.” 

“I bet you look forward to telling them to shut the fuck up because there are things that need their attention more,” Bruce grinned. 

She smiled back. “Rumour is you're hooking up with Kyle.” 

“I'm not hooking up with Kyle.” 

“Someone saw you kiss,” she said. 

“She kissed me on the cheek. It's no big deal. I am not dating anyone. I won't be dating anyone from this school. It's too much effort to keep private things private.” 

She smiled at him, grabbing his hand, squeezing it gently. “And you always liked to keep things private.” 

It sounded a bit sad, a bit like a criticism.   
Bruce wondered if she had wanted the public affections, the roses and Belgian chocolates. A love-letter he wrote between his classes? Was that what he was lacking? The simple gestures? The normal behaviour when you were in love?   
“I hope he does what I can't for you,” he said, pulling his hand back. She let him. 

“It's not that I don't love you-”

“I know,” he cut in. 

“No, you don't. It's that you don't love me that way anymore,” she finished. “And Harvey just might.” 

He nodded. 

~+~  
Bruce really needed to get his shit together. He knew he wanted John back, he just wasn't sure how he wanted John back. So they could be friends again? So they could be something more?   
He stared at the old wrinkled valentine's card John gave him years ago and wondered if they could go back to that. To the easy smiles and affections, the familiarity, the intimacy.   
Or if he fucked things up beyond any hope of repair.   
John had, after all, made it very clear what he thought about Bruce fucking up his boyfriend's face.   
Why did he even keep that thing in the first place? Because he kept everything John had ever given him. Rachel had always been there for him, but John, John believed in him. John got him. John knew who Bruce was. In ways no other person did.


	9. Chapter 9

**~9~**  
“Stop fretting,” Joker said. 

John gave him a look. “He fucked up your face.” 

“I might have said things I shouldn't have said, but he is so easy to rile up, you know? I just couldn't help myself.” Joker shrugged. 

“What kind of things?” John wasn't sure he wanted to know, and that's why he hasn't asked earlier why Bruce punched his boyfriend. Bruce wasn't one to just punch people for no reason. 

“About you? And me and how I make you scream when I suck your dick...you know that kind of things.” 

What the fuck? John thought. “What is wrong with you,” he said. 

“You know, people keep asking that. I have no idea. Born that way.” 

“You will need a better answer in the future,” John said. “So you told him all about our sex-life and he punched you in your face for your trouble.” 

“I am pretty sure he just doesn't like me or the fact that you do.” 

God help me, John thought, but he did like Joker. Joker was crazy and exciting. He was fun and he just didn't give a shit. It was refreshing.   
“He doesn't like you. And you are not helping your cause by abetting Crane to -”

“I thought it would be funny. Which it was,” Joker cut in. 

It had been funny. A room full of people laughing so hard they were crying. Chaos and anarchy everywhere John looked. Joker and he were standing outside the building looking in through the big windows. Seeing all the jocks lying on the floor laughing for no reason and just behaving like little kids and being able to make photos, that was hilarious. Still, John had been glad that Wayne hadn't been there. He was pretty sure that that was why Joker suggested the day to Crane in the first place.   
So Bruce wouldn't be humiliated like the rest. Maybe he even did it for John.   
“Thinking big thoughts, John?” Joker asked softly. He used that tone of voice that made John shiver. 

“Just wondering why you're doing what you're doing.” 

“No reason, except I want to. Because it's funny, because I'm bored. Pick one, pick all.”   
What will happen, John thought, when he gets bored? Really bored or finds a purpose.

~+~  
“Why so serious?” Joker asked, sitting down next to Crane. Selina was glaring at him. John couldn't blame her. He would be glaring at Joker too, if he were in her place. 

“My parents aren't sure this is the right environment for me anymore,” Crane said, taking off his glasses and blinking up at the sky. 

“Because you got creative in Chemistry?” Joker asked. 

That was one way to put it, John thought. 

“Yeah, because of that small insignificant incident and because my shrink told them shit,” Crane answered. 

“Like what?” John asked. 

“How should I know? It's all confidential. Probably that I’m gay and need a firm hand...” 

“What the fuck? I’m your girlfriend!” 

“They never met you and you wouldn't be meet with approval anyway. What with you being a thief and looking like this,” he waved a hand up and down. 

Selina pressed her lips together firmly so she wouldn't call Crane's parents assholes where he could hear. 

“You parents are such assholes,” Joker said. He didn't have any such qualms. 

Crane nodded. “They are.” 

“When will they pull you out of Gotham High?” John wanted to know. He liked Crane. He didn't have that many friends and he didn't like losing them. 

“Sooner rather than later. I imagine. They are talking about some boarding school on the old continent.” 

“What? They want to send you to Europe?” Selina asked. 

John felt for her. There was no way in hell she could visit Crane in Switzerland or England. America would have been difficult too, but at least there wouldn't be a freaking ocean between them.   
“You tried talking to your parents?” John asked. He always wanted to thrust in parents, even if his own father let him down like it's nobody's business. 

“They didn't listen. They are busy with their work. I bet they only had me so they would have a human specimen to fuck up,” Crane sighed. “They did a great job too. Maybe when I'm in Switzerland I will be free to be who I am. Will show them.” 

Selina leaned into him and he kissed her head. 

“Makes you glad you don't have parents,” Joker said. 

John kept quiet. He wasn't so sure. 

~+~  
In the aftermath of the cafeteria incident people kept their heads down, because most of them made fools out of themselves.   
Bane however wasn't one of them. He took one look at the state the cafeteria had been in, got in, got Miranda and Barsad out and hadn't been seen for days since.   
John shouldn't have been surprised that he would ambush him sooner or later. 

“I hear your crazy boyfriend is behind the cafeteria thing?” he asked.   
John wasn't even looking for a way out, a teacher or someone who would help him. Kids were afraid of Bane. 

“It was Crane, everyone knows that.” 

“Not what I heard,” Bane answered casually. He was so much bigger than John. Fuck. There was no way he could win a fight and he knew it, but he was stupid enough to try anyway. 

“You heard wrong.” 

“I have means and ways to make people talk and I know it was Joker's idea,” he said. “You know that people got hurt during the whole thing?” 

“As if you care for people,” John gave back. 

“Let me clarify here. Miranda got hurt during the riot.”   
John swallowed. Well, fuck. There were only two people Bane cared for and they were Miranda and Barsad. Everyone knew that. And Miranda got hurt. John knew the maths. Joker hurt someone Bane cared about, so Bane would hurt someone Joker cared about. And there was only one person Joker cared about.   
John.   
“She broke her finger as someone stepped on it,” Bane said. 

John didn't like where this was going. “This is one of these, an eye for an eye kind of situations, isn't it?” he asked. 

Bane smiled. “You're lucky it was only her who got hurt. Imagine the pain you would be in if something also had happened to Barsad.” 

They were in a deserted corridor, there was no one, there was nothing that could help John. He knew he didn't deserve this, but fighting would only make things worse. It was a broken finger or a lot more.   
“Let's get it over with then,” he said and then bit his lip. The pain was blinding, but at least Bane didn't draw it out. 

“You should see a doctor about that,” he said as he walked away. 

John was panting, keeping the screams in.   
Fuck, fuck, fuck. 

~+~  
“I will kill him,” Joker said. He wasn't seething, he was calm. It was said so calmly that it scared the shit out of John. 

“Don't do anything stupid. They’ll throw you out.” John let himself fall on the bed and looked as Joker paced the room. 

“As if I care. Do I look like I care for a proper education?” He stopped pacing and looked at John. His arms outstretched. John had to admit that Joker really didn't. 

John shook his head. “I care about you being around,” he said. 

Joker sighed. “You say the sweetest things, John Blake.” 

“I try my best.” 

“Your best is pretty fucking good and annoying.” 

“Just promise me you won't punch him in the face for breaking my finger or go after his...” he waved his hand. 

“Lovers? Everyone who has eyes can see they have some kinky threesome thing going on, John.” 

“Lovers,” John confirmed. 

“You take all the fun out of my life,” Joker answered. He sat down in the middle of the floor and looked at John. His face was half covered by his bright green hair. How he managed to look scary and sexy like this, John had no idea, but Joker still pulled it off.   
“Just promise me,” John said, even if he just wanted to make Bane hurt like he hurt right now.

“Okay,” Joker replied and came closer on all fours. He looked like a deadly, wild animal. “You think a kiss would make it better?” 

“Maybe?” John said and ignored the flash of memory how Bruce kissed his knee when he was seven. 

“Or maybe I should blow on it?” Joker cocked his head. 

“Could work too...” John said. 

“Maybe I should try both and a nice slow blow-job...” 

“My dick is fine, Joker,” John said. His voice was already a bit breathy. 

“I sure as hell hope so. Couldn't guarantee sane behaviour otherwise,” he answered and grabbed for John's fly. 

John really wanted to reply to that, but whatever...


	10. Chapter 10

**~10~**  
“What happened to your finger?” Bruce asked. 

John looked at him, something stubborn in his eyes. Like when they were kids and he lied about his dad. “If I say nothing will you leave it alone?” he asked. 

Bruce shook his head. “No, you know me. When did I ever?” 

“I broke it.” 

“Funny that it's the same finger Miranda broke during that cafeteria incident,” Bruce replied. 

“Life. Weird, and it gets weirder every second,” John said. 

“John when he's hurting you-” 

“It wasn't Joker for god's sake!” John exploded. It was a good thing Bruce ambushed him after school behind the gym which was such a fucking cliché, but whatever. At least they were alone. John got out his pack of smokes and lit one. 

Bruce looked away, so he wouldn't stare at John's lips. “I know it wasn't him, but he is still responsible.” 

“He just throws ideas out there and doesn't care if people catch them or what they do with them once they do catch them,” John said. 

It was such bullshit Bruce thought. “He knows exactly what he's doing. John. He's playing everyone.” 

“Except for you.” John's voice sounded bitter and Bruce made the mistake to turn around and look at him. 

“Oh no, he knows exactly which buttons to push to get a reaction out of me,” he answered. 

John exhaled smoke slowly and Bruce did stare at his lips for a second before he got a fucking grip.   
“At least you're aware of it,” John said quietly. 

“You are too,” Bruce replied. He was sure of it too. 

“Maybe,” John answered. 

“Is it worth it then?” Bruce wanted to know. 

“How can you ever tell, I wonder?” That was a good question Bruce thought. “It's a leap of faith,” John added softly. 

~+~  
Sometimes Bruce wondered how he would have turned out if he hadn't watched his parents die. Maybe he wouldn't have been such a mess then. Maybe he could've accepted John's feelings, his own feelings, easier. 

“Thinking deep thoughts, Master Bruce?” Alfred asked. He put a mug of hot chocolate on the table. 

Bruce smiled up at him. “Rachel calls it brooding,” he said and then corrected, “called it brooding.”

“I heard Miss Rachel is spending a lot of time with Harvey Dent,” Alfred said. 

“We broke up. I think she’ll be happier with Dent,” Bruce answered. He wasn't sure, couldn't be sure, because no one could be sure of these things, but fact was that Harvey tried harder to make Rachel happy than Bruce ever did. 

“That is a very adult attitude.” 

Bruce laughed. “I wonder when I stopped loving her.” 

“You didn't, Master Bruce, you still love her.” 

“But not how I should.” 

“There is no should when it comes to love, Master Bruce,” Alfred answered.   
For the first time ever Bruce was wondering who Alfred might have been in love with. He didn't ask. Alfred sat down on the bed and then got up, pulling something from under him. It was the valentine's card John made for him when they were kids. All harsh colours and wrinkled paper. And back then Bruce had made a card for Rachel too. And Selina. “Oh,” Alfred said as he looked at it.   
Suddenly Bruce felt very transparent. He wanted to rip it out of Alfred's hands and bury it in the back-garden or something. Maybe just put it under his pillow. He was seriously messed up about it. 

“Yeah,” he said. 

“Well,” Alfred replied, “there is no should when it comes to love. The only thing we can do is to have the courage to love in the first place.” 

“Easier said than done.” 

“It's always like that with things that are worth it.” 

~+~  
“I would appreciate it if you didn't ambush me, Wayne,” Bane said. 

“I would appreciate it if you wouldn't break people's fingers,” Bruce answered. 

“He told you?” 

“I'm not an idiot and you know he didn't. He thinks he can handle this shit on his own.” 

“He can. He didn't even whimper when I broke his finger,” Bane said, there was something like cautious admiration in his voice. Bruce didn't like it. “Kid has balls.” 

“Leave him alone,” Bruce said. 

“He doesn't need your protection anymore. When I think about it, I'm not sure if he ever really did. Maybe it was you who needed him,” Bane answered. 

Sometimes Bruce forgot that Bane wasn't just a jock, but that he was also smart. He looked like a small town gangster in the making, but his mind was quick and agile.   
“Just leave him alone.” 

“Or what? You going to punch me like you punched Joker? You know you have a serious problem, Wayne.” 

“Joker deserved it. John didn't.” 

“Maybe.” 

“You just assumed that if you hurt John you would hurt Joker more, but Joker doesn't work that way, Bane. He doesn't care like you and I.” 

“You want him gone?” Bane asked. Bruce did. But he didn't want Bane's help. “Because I want him gone,” Bane added. 

“I'll take care of it,” Bruce said, because his enemy's enemy wasn't his friend.

“Ever the hero,” Bane mocked. “You just can't help yourself, can you.” 

Thing was, Bruce couldn't. 

~+~  
Bruce knew he had to do something or John would get hurt more, but he wasn't sure if he even had the right. John wasn't a six year old anymore. They weren't even friends right now. He had no obligations, he just couldn't help himself.   
Strangely enough, he thought that Bane would totally understand that feeling of being protective to a fault.   
But Bruce wasn't one to share his feelings, his heartache, his what-the-hell-ever with Bane of all people.   
Maybe that was what made them despise each other, the simple fact that they were so much alike. 

~+~  
“Miranda is having a party,” Rachel said, sitting down next to him. 

Bruce nodded. “Okay?” 

“We're invited.” 

“Why would she want me to be there?” Bruce asked. Miranda wasn't hostile, but she was in a relationship with Bane and Barsad, if you could trust the rumours, and Bane wasn't Bruce's biggest fan. 

“She's my friend, she likes you well enough,” Rachel said. 

Bruce had always thought that she only invited him, because he was dating Rachel. “Shouldn't she be inviting Dent?” 

“He's invited too, don't worry.” Rachel elbowed him gently and he turned to look at her. “You know she really liked you.” 

“Miranda?” 

“Yeah, Miranda,” Rachel answered. “If it weren't Bane, I think it would've been you.” 

Bruce smiled. “That's kind of horrifying and I don't know if I could share with Barsad.”

“It's just a rumour...” Rachel said. 

“Besides; I couldn't make it work with you...” 

She leaned into him. “Sometimes people just change. Maybe I'm not the person for you anymore.” 

“Yeah,” Bruce said. 

“So, are you coming with us to Miranda's party?” Rachel asked. 

“No. I'll pass. But have fun.” 

~+~  
Kyle was the one who told him. She even offered to pick him up, like she forgot that Bruce Wayne was in fact Bruce Wayne, billionaire and having his own driver any minute of any day.   
She waited outside of the hospital for them, smoking cigarettes like it was the only thing that kept her breathing.   
He wanted to ask her what the hell happened, but he didn't. He grabbed her cigarette and finished it for her, ignoring Alfred's disapproving look. 

“Let's go inside,” he said then. 

“They won't let me see him or Rachel or anyone really, because I am not related,” Kyle answered. “Barsad is freaking out, you know? He screamed at the nurses, I never heard him scream...” 

“I'll handle it,” Bruce said. 

“How? You want to buy the hospital?” she asked. 

He smiled. “If I have to. So he wasn't in the car?” Bruce wanted to know. 

She shook her head. “He wasn't in the car and I bet he blames himself...like what could he have done anyway?”

“We'll figure it out, Selina.” 

“Thank you...Jonathan's parents, they aren't even here yet. He shouldn't have been at this party. I made him...” she sounded a bit lost. Bruce was about to say something when he saw Mister Dent coming down the hall. 

“Harvey's dad is here. I'll go and speak to him, try to find out how they are all doing, okay?”

She clutched his arm for a few seconds and then made herself let go. “Yeah. I'll wait here. And you will come back soon.” 

It wasn't a question, but he answered her anyway. “Yes. Stay with Alfred? He freaks out in hospitals.” 

“Wonder why,” she replied with a small smile.   
He kissed her forehead and made his way to Mister Dent. 

~+~  
“Is she okay?” John asked. He looked like he hadn't slept and he probably hadn't. Bruce was torn between being angry as hell and feeling pity for him. He was tired. He spent hours at the hospital talking to doctors and parents until he could see Rachel and it hadn't been a pretty picture. He felt exhausted. And it wasn't even six a.m. And still John was here. 

“No,” he said, because Rachel wasn't okay. She was in the hospital with broken bones and bruised ribs. Bruises and cuts. Just because shit got out of hand. And Dent was in a coma. At least Crane and Miranda were fine. Or as good as. 

“I'm so sorry,” John said. 

Bruce wished Alfred hadn't let John in. He didn't think he could deal with this now. “It was Joker,” he said. 

“Probably,” John answered. 

“Probably? Miranda's car is trashed, everyone in it is in the hospital. Miranda and Bane included. John. He did it for you.” 

“I didn't ask him for it. I told him not to do anything stupid. I told him what I told you, that I can take care of myself! It's not my fault.” 

Bruce wanted to argue that, but he knew it was true. It wasn't John's fault. “She will be okay, but we don't know about Harvey. He got burned really badly,” Bruce replied. 

“Shit. I...” John sat down and put his head in his hands. “I didn't think he would blow up her car. I didn't think he would...”

“I know,” Bruce said and didn't say he warned John, that he told him Joker was crazy. It would be no use. John felt guilty enough as it was. Bruce, Bruce just wanted to fuck Joker's shit up and badly. “We can visit her later today, if you want to,” he said instead. 

“Yeah,” John replied and Bruce wanted to hug him, but didn't.

~+~  
John spent the night, because it was Saturday and he looked like an extra from a zombie movie. Alfred wouldn't let him go back to the orphanage.   
Bruce was brooding and still angry and wanted to call the hospital for information every ten minutes. It wasn't healthy behaviour and he knew it.   
Alfred knew it too. 

“Go to bed, Master Bruce,” he said gently and took Bruce's mug of coffee away. 

“I'm not tired.” 

“You are falling asleep at the table. I will wake you up as soon as there are any news and we will visit Miss Rachel later today.” Alfred had that worried look on his face that made Bruce feel so fucking guilty. He nodded and went upstairs and to bed.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And we're done. \o/

**~11~**  
“You promised me you wouldn't do anything!” John said. He was so close to yelling. Scratch that he was yelling. 

“I thought it would be fun. She was in the wrong place at the wrong time. Besides her fault for hanging out with Bane and co.” 

“Rachel’s known Miranda since kindergarten!” 

“You know Wayne since kindergarten, and you are not hanging out with him,” Joker gave back. 

“It's different and you know it,” John answered. 

“I don't really see why.” 

“You don't feel sorry at all, do you?” John said, it wasn't a question, it was a realisation. 

“No. Collateral damage.” 

John took a deep breath. “I need some -”

“You need to be away from me now,” Joker cut in. 

John nodded. “Yes, I do.” 

It annoyed the fuck out of him that Joker could be so casual about all of it and that he knew John so well. 

~+~  
Everyone who thought about it knew that Joker had been behind the car accident. But no one could prove it. 

“I like him, I do, but he went too far,” Selina said. She looked calm, but she was on her third cigarette in as many minutes. Crane had been sent home just two days after the accident, and would be shipped off to Europe soon. She was messed up about it, John knew. 

“I'm sorry,” John said. 

“It's not your fault. Stop apologizing for it. If someone should do that it would be Joker, but he won't,” Selina answered. 

John nodded. “I know.” 

“What are you going to do now?” 

“With Joker?” 

“Yeah,” Selina said, lighting a new cigarette. 

“No idea. I was thinking about coming forward and tell the police about-”

“No!” Selina said. “What a fucking can of worms would that open? They would investigate the whole fucking school after a stunt like that. You wonder why Barsad hadn't said anything?” 

“Because he's planning a bloody and very painful revenge?” John said and it wasn't even a joke. Barsad was the quite type, but he was calm and calculating. A rock and he was smart. 

“Probably,” Selina replied with a small smile. She took another deep drag. “But also because there are things the adults in our lives don't need to know about.” 

“So, I should keep my mouth shut then.” 

“Yeah. I know it messes with you, but I do think that is the best course of action right now,” she put out the smoke against the wall and looked up at the sky. “I hate this city.” 

Yeah, John thought, sometimes he did too. 

~+~  
John knew that Bruce visited Rachel every single day at the hospital. He timed his own visits so that he wouldn't have to meet, leave alone talk to Bruce again.   
For all his insisting that it hadn't been his fault, he felt guilty anyway. There was a nagging feeling that he had just been careless with this all. 

“You look better,” John said. 

“Bruce keeps saying that too. I think you're both liars,” Rachel answered, but she was smiling. 

“We are secretive men, that is different,” John smiled back. 

“Ah...you are stupid men too,” Rachel said.   
John put his head on the bed near her pillow. She was probably right. Rachel stroked his hair and he let her for a while. “You know, just pin him down and kiss the living hell out of him. He liked it when I was doing it.” 

“Rachel...”

“Really, for all his protector shit, he likes it when someone takes care of him once in a while and you can hold him down better than I. You're stronger and meaner,” she tugged softly at his hair so he had to look up at her. 

“I think you’re mean enough to make it in the world,” John answered. 

“Why, thank you John,” she said. 

He kissed her cheek and stayed for another thirty minutes where they didn't say a single damn thing.

~+~  
“Joker needs to be locked up,” Bruce said. 

“I don't want to-” 

“I don't care John!” he snapped. 

“I fucking do. Shit got out of hand, I know, but we can't let people snoop around here and you know it,” Selina threw in. John hadn't even heard her enter. She was like a cat. 

Bruce glared at her. She glared right back at him. If this were another situation it would've been funny. 

“I'm going to deal with it,” Barsad said. John turned to look at him. He looked calm as usual. 

“You don't want to kill him, do you?” John asked carefully. 

“I do, but I won't.”   
John's heart missed a beat. The thing was he believed Barsad. He believed that Barsad could make a body disappear and not feel any remorse about it. “I will however make him suffer for what he did.” 

John didn't want to hear any of this. He wanted back to the crazy rides, the loud clubs, the mind-blowing sex and posing naked for Joker. The easy laugher and not a word about torture.   
He leaned against the locker and closed his eyes. “He made a mistake,” he said. 

“And people got hurt!” Barsad and Bruce said. 

“Yes, and people got hurt, but don't tell me Bane and Crane didn't hurt people too. Because it would be a fucking lie.” 

“They didn't try to kill anyone,” Barsad answered. 

“And who says that Joker did? For him it was a joke. A funny and cruel game, but I am sure he didn't want to kill anyone and no one has been killed.” 

“Go and ask Dent if he doesn't wish for death right now,” Bruce said. 

John glared at him. He had expected more from Wayne. “I'm gonna go now, because I don't want to hear another fucking word of this conspiracy.” 

“John!” Selina tried, but John didn't listen. 

~+~  
“So the heroes are out to get me,” Joker said. 

John nodded. They were in a café because John just couldn't be with Joker alone right now. He didn't feel comfortable. He didn't trust himself. But he wasn't afraid either. He just knew that for some weird reason, because John took Joker like he was, Joker liked him. Wouldn't actively harm John. 

“Can you disappear for a while until this blows over?” John asked. He knew that Joker would probably laugh in his face. 

“Oh, honey, you're worried about me?” He smiled and it looked scary. 

John took a deep breath. “I know you don't care, because – I have no idea, because the world needs to be funnier, or whatever. But I don't want to see you with broken legs.” 

“The world does need to be funnier,” Joker admitted. 

“I know you don't care for people, I know you are-” John stopped and Joker waited him out. Which was one reason why John liked him. He took the time to get to know things, to get to know people. His reasons for doing so were of course his own. “You rebel. You love chaos and anarchy.” 

“Like every teenager should,” Joker said. 

“Yes, but – and I really hate to say it like this – it's only a phase for the most of us. We rebel, and then we move on, grow up. You. You live it, breathe it, want to become it and it will hurt someone.” John looked at him. He believed that too. He also believed that there was nothing he could do to change Joker. Something inside him was just...not broken exactly, but different from other people. 

“And you don't want it to hurt me,” Joker said. 

“No, I don't.” 

“Because you care,” Joker said and there was not a bit of mocking in his voice. 

John nodded. “I can't make you do shit you don't want to do. I know that. I think no one can, but I hope you'll want to get out of here for your own sake.” 

Joker grabbed John's hand and John's breath hitched. Not because he was afraid, but because he was excited. Joker's touch made his heart race, his cock pay attention. Joker smiled.   
“Come with me,” he said. 

And John wanted to say yes, but he was also aware that he didn't picture his life as a Bonnie and Clyde tale.   
I can't, he wanted to say, but Joker deserved better. “What I liked about you in the beginning is starting to scare the shit out of me. Not because I think you will hurt me, but because I don't want to watch you hurt other people.” 

Joker kissed him and when he let up again he looked at John and said: “You, John Blake, are the only decent, really good, person I've ever met in my whole fucking life.” And then he got up and John wanted to close his eyes so he wouldn't have to watch him go, but he didn't. 

~+~  
“...stole his uncle's car and money and fucked off,” Selina said. 

“Did you know about that? Did he tell you anything?” Barsad wanted to know. 

John sat down next to Selina and shook his head. It wasn't a lie. Joker hadn't said a fucking word, but John had of course known that the meeting at the café would be their last. 

“Not a word?” Selina asked. 

“Not a word.” 

“I thought you were together,” Barsad said. 

“We were. Seems he has a different definition of commitment than me,” John said. He wasn't sure if he felt relief or not about Joker leaving town. He wondered if his uncle would press charges. John hoped not. But even if, John was sure Joker could handle whatever came his way.   
Selina stroked his knee under the table in a calming gesture. John wasn't devastated. He had always known that this thing with Joker had only been temporally. Especially now, especially here. In fucking high-school. 

“You're okay, right?” she asked. 

“I'm okay,” John said and he was. 

~+~  
Wayne waited by his car for John. John saw him, could just have ignored him, but he didn't: sometimes you had to work your shit out. And as Joker said: _Not being yourself, John Blake, shouldn't be easier._

“No ambush this time? I nearly feel disappointed,” John said as he was close enough. He leaned against Wayne's car and lit a smoke. They weren't on school-grounds anymore so the authorities could fuck off. 

“I thought I'm going to try doing this like a normal person,” Wayne said, stealing John's smoke so fast John was left scowling at him. He lit another one for himself. 

“You are not a normal person,” John said and hoped Wayne would get it the right way. 

Wayne smoked in silence for a bit. “I found the valentine's card you made for me when we were kids.”

“And?” 

“I made one for Selina and Rachel and you. You only made that one,” Wayne said. 

“Yeah, well...” John took another deep drag. 

“And I didn't get it back then. But I get it now.” 

“I kissed you, it should have been the thing to clue you in,” John said. 

“About your feelings for me, yes,” Wayne answered. 

Oh, John thought. “So?” 

“John...” 

“See,” John said, “I am that guy, I am that guy that goes for things. I am that guy that kisses someone so they know I like them. I won't be anyone else. Ever. It might not be the easy way, but it's mine. And you...well. I don't hate you for not owning up. You know? I was pissed, because I worshipped you when we were kids. You could do no wrong. You were my hero. I put you on a pedestal and you didn't correct me. And I don't blame you, because you're just human – and maybe more messed up than we'll ever know,” John crushed his butt under his heel and looked at Wayne, who wasn't looking at him. “I don't hate you,” he repeated. “And we can go back to being friends.” Because he missed Bruce. 

“I don't want to go back to being friends,” Bruce said eventually. 

“That's fine too,” John answered. He stepped away from the car and Wayne grabbed his hand. 

“I want to try this,” Wayne said. 

“What?” John asked. 

“Dating. Getting to know each other again. As people,” Wayne said. 

“Okay,” John said, because high-school was the time and the place to jump without so much as a backward glance.


End file.
